Crazy in Love

I finally decided it was time to start this blogging thing again. I haven't done much writing since our failed adoption and then the birth of our second son. Mainly because life just got crazy. I've been wanting to write for awhile now but just haven't made it a priority. I finally decided to make it one because I feel as if I'm going to burst! I am crazy in love with JESUS!!  I think about him all the time. I want to learn more about Him every second I can and I want to talk and talk and talk about who he is. So, I've decided the best way to get it all out is to write about Him. To talk about the goodness, mercy and grace that i see multiple times a day.
After our failed adoption God showed up in big ways. He came to me in the most intimate moments. When my second child was born with a congenital heart defect God didn't let me wander around mindlessly as I tried to figure it all out. Instead he whispered to me.... He covered me in His goodness, his sweetness and his unfailing love. Maybe through my son's sickness I changed. I think, no I know, that was God's plan all along. He used Jack's sickness and healing to draw me close to him. So He could be glorified and known. Because isn't that the whole purpose of it all..... To know Him and to make him known. Just like Casting Crowns sings.
Now a year and half later we are trudging through the adoption process again and I can see Him. I can see him clearly. Even through the confusion, frustration and doubts, I see him. Sometimes I have to fight and fight hard. Sometimes He sweetly brings friends along side me to encourage and help me along but I always see Him.....because he always shows up. His word promises that if we seek, we will find. I am finding that more and more to be true. Not that my believing made it truth but I'm starting to make it a point to see Him. He's always been here but my lack of focus and intimacy with him has left me wondering. I truly believe when we can't find Him, it's not because he's hiding or doesn't want to he found its because we are choosing to ignore Him. We are choosing not to see him. I know when circumstances come crashing down your door and God wants you to look at them head on and fight through it and face it but fear gets the best of you and you lose focus...that's when we don't see Him. Sometimes seeing Him means doing something that is so far from our norm that it leaves us on our knees at His mercy and begging for Him! Bingo. There it is. Sometimes God gets our best attention, when we can't move breathe or stand. That's when we see Him swoop in and do what He does best, love. God is good at loving us. He is perfect at it. We just have to receive it.
I am crazy in love with Him and I can't imagine why or how he loves me. The God of the universe loves me. He loves me so much that He leaves personal little love notes for me on a daily basis. He is perfection. He is hope. He is love. He is my God and I am crazy about Him.